boy_searching

I AM HERE!!!!

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 01:47:05 GMT

HELLO ALL!! What better way to celebrate Thanksgiving then by updating my journal!?!? After all, it's been 6 months!

So, my life has dramatically changed since I last updated. I am teaching Middle School in Boston. No more Long Island, no more Ithaca...off to live life as a Bostonian. It has been really great so far. Not much of a social life (the whole teaching thing is getting in the way of that), but I have been really enjoying the new city. It's just so different from Manhattan. I love it. Such a different feel and a different, young, fresh vibe.

I have decided to update this more (or at all!!), I need to reconnect with y'all and see how everyone is doing.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

2 Scenarios...

Tue, 17 May 2005 22:48:31 GMT

I am at a crossroads in my life. Graduation has come and gone, and i've successfully obtained my Master's Degree. NOW...what do I want to do with my life? Let's examine the the possibilities and try to make a logical decision...

1. Look for a teaching position. I have applied to a bunch of openings in New York, Long Island, and Boston. It would be nice to get a paycheck and have insurance. I got my Master's in Education, so why not put it to use?

2. Take a risk and move to Manhattan and pursue my performance career. I earned my Bachelor's degree in Performance, and I love being on the stage. I have training in Acting, Stage Combat, Opera, and Musical Theater. This would be exciting and fun, but unstable and financially unstable.

Everyone I have talked to has told me to take a chance and go perform for awhile. On the other hand, I am very anal about stability and order in my life, and i know the comfort of having a job would be the responsible thing to do. I am completely 50/50 on which path I should choose, and I really need some outside perspective.

If any of you have an idea or have been in a similar situation, i would REALLY appreciate your input.

Less than 48 hours...

Fri, 13 May 2005 23:17:17 GMT

I am getting my Master's degree in less than 48 hours! Freaky...

That's all I have to say about that right now, but more to come soon.

Almost done with finals...

Fri, 06 May 2005 03:54:34 GMT

I only have one more paper to write and then i am done with my college education. It is getting a little frustrating, however, that i am getting severe writer's block when it comes to this paper: The affect this course (Psychology of Education) has had on your teaching. I have to include every unit we've discussed over the semester (there are 10) and within them discuss an overview of the unit, how it has altered my teaching styles, and then a specific example of how it will alter it in the future. I hate busy work. HATE IT!! I have six of the units finished, and the paper is not due until Monday, so i should be fine. I just hate procrastination and want to just put it behind me and get ready for summer vacation!!

Ok, i stalled enough...i should tackle this paper and head off to bed...goodnight!

i ALWAYS end up doing this!!

Wed, 04 May 2005 04:48:59 GMT

Once the semester gets going, i always lose track of my livejournal. I think to myself "it couldn't have been that long since i updated"...lo and behold...i haven't made a single entry in 2005! I am a severe slacker of immense proportions.

Now that school is over I promise I will be back to my updating self and life can continue as planned. I am stressing out over graduation and how that fact that I have a Master's degree should make me more marketable in the real world...although as of yet, it isn't.

Hope everyone is doing well and things are going great. I will have to read many months of backdated journal entries, but I look forward to seeing how everything has been going in your lives!

Happy Holidays...

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 18:32:01 GMT

I am coming at you LIVE from my new laptop computer, compliments of Christmas! I hope everyone is doing well and having a festive holiday season!

Hopefully now that this computer is virus-free i can rejoin the world of the living.

Can't wait to talk to people and see whats been going on!

Good God it's been a month!!

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 19:19:40 GMT

So, I have disappeared, as usual. This time I have a REALLY good excuse, I swear. I am busy teaching High School!! I am filling in for a teacher on maternity leave until the middle of October. It's been a crazy few weeks, but I am really learning a lot and the kids are great. Then I will go back to school and finish up my Masters in October. Phew. I am really sorry for ditching everyone and practically evaporating, but when I get back from the land of teachers, I will be sure to give you many great stories and fabulous teaching experiences.

Hope everyone is doing great and feel free to email me or comment and let me know what is going on, I think it will take me weeks to catch up on back-dated friends pages.

Later!

HELP!!

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 20:54:56 GMT

I have pop-ups overtaking my computer!! Internet Explorer has gone MAD!! Does anyone know anything about AdWare or anything else that could help me!! AHHH!!!!

It's not affecting Netscape, just Explorer. It slows my computer and is frustrating the heck out of me.

You are my last hope!!

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 15:33:14 GMT

I am in my new apartment, and i have internet again!! WOO HOO...i feel so alive!

I'll update more after the task of unpacking is completed!

Rain...

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 19:20:36 GMT

It has been raining here for the last 2 weeks. I have forgotten what the sun looks like and my shorts are pushed to the back of my wardrobe in exchange for sweatshirts and rainboots. I thought this was supposed to be summer? Let's inform the proper authorities, ok?

I have been incredibly busy (i feel like i ALWAYS say that in my entries). Summer Grad Session is almost over, only 8 more classes and a 50 page term paper to go! I can't wait till i have some meager semblance of a life back. I haven't gotten more than 5 hours of sleep a night in the last month, and i haven't had a day completely off since July 3rd. The two jobs are killing me, but at least i have the $$ to do what i want now and not be anal about every penny.

I am excited for my friends to get back up to school. I haven't had much of a social life, other than seeing my work friends. This summer seems to be crawling along, which wouldn't be a problem if it were nicer out.

These past few weekends i have been trekking home to good old Long Island for some weddings. It's nice to go back home every once and awhile to see how life is going there, but there is no way i could stay for longer than 4 days at a time. Well, maybe a week...as long as i had things to do. I couldn't just sit around.

Well, i have to get some more research done for my classes. Hope everyone is having a bit of a warmer week. Talk to y'all soon!

July?

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 00:12:04 GMT

It feels like i updated my Livejournal more recently than June. All well, i have been SO incredibly busy lately that I am just about ready to drop dead. I have been maintaining my two jobs (which means 60 hour workweeks), I started classes for my Master's degree last week, and i am packing up my house and getting ready to move! Grrr...whoever said summer was supposed to be relaxing can shove it up their ass!!

My birthday was friday. Woo hoo. I worked all day and night and finally got to go to the bars at midnight. It didn't matter though because I had to be to work by 9am the next morning anyways. Birthdays are definitely less exciting as you get older. I didn't have any of my family here, I didn't get any presents, and since all of my friends graduated and I am in town by myself, no one even know it was my birthday. All well...

I have to get back to writing my paper that is due tomorrow morning that I haven't even started...

Have a great day/night/week everyone!!

Too Cold For Summer...

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 16:52:14 GMT

55 degrees is unacceptable for the end of June. To top it all off, its also raining out! Someone should really clue the weather in on the fact that it's summer now.

Lately i've been feeling like i am a colonist. We got rid of cable and internet in our house to save some money (about $40 a person/month). It's fine and all because i am really busy with work and stuff, but every now and then i'd just like to talk on instant messenger, or quick write an email and not have to wait to get to work to do it. It is making me productive at home though, since i don't have any distractions.

I feel as though I want to move to NYC after I am done at school here. Of course, being from Long Island, its not THAT far of a move. Still, just to have all the resources and possibilities so near to me will be a major step in furthering myself and my career. We'll see what happens with time though, my plans might change 100 more times.

And, just to close, i would like to tell everyone a lesson i've learned (which I am sure everyone will agree with me): NEVER EVER get romantically involved with a close friend, regardless of the circumstance! It just makes things messy and odd!

That is all...thank you for your time...

Sticky...

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 17:19:45 GMT

I love that the weather is finally getting warmer, however i think humidity is the devil. I get so sticky and sweaty just from walking up the stairs. Gross..

The summer has been ok so far. Very uneventful (well, not TOTALLY uneventful). My two jobs are kicking my ass, but i am making much more $$ than i was last summer, so no complaints here!

I am beginning to miss my friends and realize that maybe staying at college an extra year was a bad idea. It might have been time for me to search out something elsewhere. It's just time...too bad i have another year. I need to start researching colleges and universities for my Master's degree, so that will be exciting. I already dread the whole application/audition process restarting. This time i am researching and visiting the schools i am interested in. I really want to travel to the campuses, regardless of their geographic location. All i know is that i want to build a new life for myself somewhere not near home.

I wish I had more to write about, but I just don't.

Ugh...

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 12:56:42 GMT

I've been sick lately. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been achy, fatigued, having horrible stomach cramps, and i've been dehydrated. Yuck. I just want to sleep.

I also picked up a second job to get more $$. It's going well, it's just tiring. 14 hour work days 3 times a week are probably part of the reason im getting so run down.

I am going home this weekend. It has been very drama-filled up here and I need to get away for a few days. I can't take it anymore.

Hope everyone is doing well and hope to talk to you all very soon.

Back from my trip...

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 15:27:19 GMT

I just went on a week long vacation with my family to Florida. It was a lot of fun, for the most part. I got a nice tan, did the 'family' thing, and got away from work for a little bit. Of course, 10 days in solitary confinement with your family can be a little trying, but I am not complaining and very happy to have gone!

I just wanted to make some stuff clear about my last journal entry. I realize now, after reading it and after getting some feedback from the situation, that how i wrote it wasnt exactly how it came across. I was just frustrated at myself and my current feelings. I feel like this is a big change in my life and i dont know what direction my life is heading in. I have no real committment 'relationship-wise', to the people I mentioned in the entry, and didn't want to make it sound like I had all this relationship drama in my life. That is the furthest thing from the truth. The entry was pretty much just the whole string of events that led me up to this very large crossroad in my life. Nothing will really be the same and i have a lot of searching within myself to determine what path my life will take now.

Things should start to get really interesting, and unfortunately, i would rather them not...

OH MY GOD...

Fri, 21 May 2004 06:42:10 GMT

Sorry i havent updated in awhile. I've been busy with graduation, goodbyes, packing and such. SOOOOOOOOOOO much has happened in the last few weeks...

Sooo...i met this guy. He is great. A few years younger than me (2), but really awesome. So, we end up hooking up steadily for 3 weeks, and he goes home for the summer. This sent my mind into crazy confusion. Although i had thought about being with a guy, i had never "really" done so for a prolonged period of time. I didn't know how to feel or what to think. When he left i felt like a part of me left with him, it was SO odd...

So, he leaves and we talk about him leaving and he tells me that i need to figure out who i want to become over the summer and that he would be waiting for me in August. He told me that i need to figure out what i want and explore my options and there would be no regrets about anything that may potentially happen or not happen...ok...fine...

He left a week and a half ago. I go to the bars with a bunch of my friends 3 nights ago, and i decided to pour my heart out to one of my best friends (guy...gay), because i figured if anyone could relate it would be another gay man. We talk at the bars for about 2 hours, and we walk back to his house because thats where i had parked my car to walk downtown. Well, I am too drunk to drive, and he is getting angry with me that i would drive, so i hang out for a little while. We end up hooking up hardcore until 5am (i had work @ 9). We discuss this the next night and realize it was a big mistake and although it was both of our faults, he feels incredibly guilty for confusing me even more and not letting me figure things out on my own. We decide to never speak of it again.

Jump to tonight...a whole bunch of us, probably about 8 of us, head downtown again. This guy comes up to me at the end of the night and was like "hey there, im bill...ive seen you all night and i just had to say hi and just chat with you for a little while"!!! So, we talk for awhile and end up exchanging #'s!! My other friend gets mad at me (the one i hooked up with a few nights before) and he tells me that i dont know what im getting myself into.

Ok, I don't really know what i am feeling anymore. It is so confusing and hurts me ALOT to be going through this. Am I insane? Is there something wrong with me? What is my problem? Am I a flirt that should be killed on the spot? Am i REALLY gay?? AAAARRRGGGHH!!

The worst part about it is i'm leaving tomorrow to go on vacation for a week with my family. I am excited to go, but don't know how i am going to deal with this all with my family around.

HELP ME!! HELP ME!! PLEEEEEEEAAAAASSE!! I just don't know what to think or feel anymore. I feel like this is HUGE and a major pivotal point in my life, and its just coming at the wrong time (not that there would be a good time!)

hmmm

Thu, 20 May 2004 06:41:51 GMT

If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal.

Oh my God..

Sun, 16 May 2004 06:22:02 GMT

I graduate college tomorrow...someone please tell me what is going on!!

Bleugh...

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 23:58:13 GMT

So, I wake up yesterday morning feeling a little stuffy. By the end of the night I can barely breathe and my throat hurts. I wake up today, and I have a fever, sweats/chills, and a killer headache. This stupid sickness came out of nowhere and I hate it. I have so much to do with finals and projects that I do not have time to be sick. It's kind of good though, I keep myself busy so that i can't think of my swollen glands. Hopefully this will be over in a few days and I can have fun for my last week of classes.

Guess what I did last weekend? I went to a gay club. I was really against the idea because that is the exact opposite of 'my scene'. My friend, however, convinced me to go because he had no one to go with. So, I go, and it was awkward, im not gonna lie. Some sketchy guy gave me his number, and another tried to dance with me. I guess I can say i did it though. I just would've liked to have at least one other person there with me. My friend went off dancing and chatting it up, and kind of left me to fend for myself at the bar. I don't know if i would go again. Maybe I would in a bigger city, but not in this little town. It might be a good way to make new friends though, right??

Other than that nothing is really new and exciting. Classes are finally winding down, and although I am upset to leave everyone here at school, i am excited to start my summer.

I'm going to go research some more articles for the papers i have to write...

End of Semester Crunch...

Thu, 22 Apr 2004 02:17:56 GMT

It's that time of year again. You wait until the last week of classes to finish everything you should've been doing for the last 3 months. That's where i am right now. I have had 8 performances in the last 11 days, and i have 5 more before I fake graduate.

I am getting stressed a little, but i just have to compose myself and attack these projects head-on. I would normally be freaking out much more, but i have entered the second stage of senioritis...apathy. I think everything will get done, and even if not, i am not really caring all that much. It comes in waves...one minute ill be totally calm and then next ill be bugging out. Maybe i am just crazy. That would explain a lot.

Hmmm, well i guess rather than writing in the journal i should go and get some work done...nah, maybe i'll just watch TV instead...

It's raining outside...

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 03:45:04 GMT

These last few days have been so odd. I am usually very non-emotional and stoic in everything I do. Things never seem to phase me and i never really get upset with things that are going on. Now, all of a sudden, i have been on the brink of tears every 30 seconds. Any little thing can set me off. Today at the library, the CD i needed to listen to do in order to write a paper kept skipping and ended up being all scratched up. So, out of the blue, tears started welling up in my eyes. HELLO...it was a stupid CD!! That is just one example, but there have been many insignificant emotional overdrives since Saturday.

I also think it may be the time of year, but I have been extremely horny. I don't know what it is, but i am ready to jump any man, woman, or beast that crosses my path (well, not ANY of those, but pretty much anything even semi-attractive). I guess i could solve the problem if i really wanted to, but I am so cautious about all that garbage.

I hope that all this rain goes away soon. We need some brighter weather around here ASAP!!

Leave me a message in an attempt to cheer me up!!

Weekly Update...

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 00:36:28 GMT

I am really trying to update more than once a week...i swear!!

So, my recital is over...woo hoo!! I had a lot of fun and had a good-sized crowd of 200 people. It was great to have that much support. Now that it's over, i have so much more to do in terms of singing. I have 5 concerts, then i have to sing at graduation. Yeesh...i guess thats why i am here though, right?

Last night was my first night out at the bars in a while, and it was a rough one. I had a bit too much to drink. We'll just leave it at that. I was a sloppy mess.

I had a breakdown today in the car. All the stress of the semester came crashing down on me when i went to the bank and realized i only had $250 to last me until June. I was panicking and called my mother on the verge of disaster. She calmed me down and said she would send me money since i never ask for any. So, disaster averted and i have a bit more $$ to survive on.

I guess that's all. Hopefully something will spark me to write more later.

Have a nice Easter!

SPRING!

Fri, 02 Apr 2004 02:13:39 GMT

I can not believe it is April already! I hate it when time seems to slip by you and you never even knew it was happening. I've been so busy lately I haven't even had time to notice March was over!

The only true way of knowing it was Spring was by the way my allergies acted up. My eyes have been so itchy, and my nose has been running a mile a minute. Thank goodness it rained today and cleared the air. Regardless, I would much rather have allergies than 4 feet of snow!

Um, what else...I was thinking that i would really like more friends on Livejournal, but i have no idea about how to do that. I feel like all the friends I have now just 'popped up', and i love reading all your journals, but my friends list is a little on the low side! If you have any friends that would be interested in reading my journal, however infrequent i update it, tell them to add me! I love reading new people's journals and making new friends!!

Graduation is fast approaching. Less than 2 months. I'm not really graduating, although i should be. I am feeling a little lonely about the whole thing. All my friends leaving to go their own ways. I guess it's a part of life. I like change a lot, but not drastic change that alters your life. Just enjoy the time i have left, i suppose!

I guess that's it. I hope everyone is doing well! OH..and my recital is coming up fast!! Woo Hoo...an hour and a half of me on stage singing opera. Sounds exciting, heh?

Quick post...

Mon, 29 Mar 2004 14:31:10 GMT

IT'S FINALLY SPRING!!! There is no snow on the ground after 6 months of complete white!!

That is all...im just happy and felt like sharing!

More to come soon...

Good Morning...

Mon, 15 Mar 2004 14:35:34 GMT

Just a quick note that "Postal Service" is by far my new favorite band! I bought their new CD, and i suggest you do the same!